(ADAPTED FROM MEN CAN STOP RAPE, HTTP://WWW.MENCANSTOPRAPE.ORG, 2006)
- State your feelings,
- Name the behavior,
- State how you want the person to respond. This focuses on your feelings rather than criticizing the other person.
Example: "I feel ________ when you __________ . Please don't do that anymore."
- Remember, you don't have to speak to communicate.
- Sometimes a disapproving look can be far more powerful than words.
- Reduces the tension of an intervention and makes it easier for the person to hear you.
- Do not undermine what you say with too much humor. Funny doesn't mean unimportant.
- There is safety and power in numbers.
- Best used with someone who has a clear pattern of inappropriate behavior where many examples can be presented as evidence of his problem.
BRING IT HOME
- Prevents someone from distancing himself from the impact of his actions.
- Example: "I hope no one ever talks about you like that."
- Prevents someone from dehumanizing his targets.
- Example: What if someone said your girlfriend deserved to be raped or called your mother a whore?" We're friends, right….?
- Reframes the intervention as caring and non-critical.
- Example: "Hey Chad…..as your friend I've gotta tell you that getting a girl drunk to have sex with her isn't cool, and could get you in a lot of trouble. Don't do it."
- Snaps someone out of their "sexist comfort zone."
- Example: Ask a man harassing a woman on the street for directions or the time.
- Allows a potential target to move away and/or to have other friends intervene.
- Example: Spill your drink on the person or interrupt and start a conversation with the person.
(Information adapted to Barry University with the permission of the Women's Center at the University of Virginia Tech)